I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
