Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
