Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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