Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
