Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
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Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
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I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
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