i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
