why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
