he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
