Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
