i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
