How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
