he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
