im drinking this country out of the recession.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
