I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
