you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Dick very happy bro
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
