are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
My underwear smells like fireworks.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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