at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
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