dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
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