The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
