May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
