He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
