Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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