I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
