So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
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