Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
