at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
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i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
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Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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