M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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