Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
