How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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