I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
She bit a glass in half.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
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