I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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