How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Randomize
