as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
You may now shotgun with the bride
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize