He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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