you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
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