apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
