My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
