i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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