omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
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If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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