you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
