so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
