I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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