We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
my sisters under your porch take her home
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
