She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
