he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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