I want to walk on stilts...naked
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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