Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
