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somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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