Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
