Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
