Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
