just come out here and I will go home with you...
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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