I think I died a long time ago.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
