Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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