I must be too annoying 4 u.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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