Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
