he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
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