WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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