i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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