lets start a swedish sibling band together
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
