We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Randomize
