Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Randomize
