he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
