If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
