you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
