Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
