kristin has been a bad kristin
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
