There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
