Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
