i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
