Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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