I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
