I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Randomize