All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
